Sunday, November 08, 2009

A little outpouring...

It's not often I write about "personal" things on my blog. I suppose it's becuase it's a place I like to keep cheery and happy but sometimes it's a good outlet for an outpouring that has to be made! As some of my readers might know, I have something called M.E, or chronic fatigue, which makes me a generally exhuasted person. Being a freelancer, this suits me well most of the time because I can work at my own pace (not to mention from bed with the trusty mac book) but at others it can be isolating and frustrating. It's a bit of a battle between mind and body, wanting to go out and be social and then having to constantly disappoint yourself when your body just says no. Lately I think it's been getting to me more and more, I think I've been under a gloomy little cloud for a while and turned into a very shy person. To be honest I'm not quite sure what direction to move in. I was considering getting a studio to work in so I could meet new people but then considered the travel aspect & lugging all of my junk (I mean essential equipment) to and from and whether I would be able to cope. I looked at a few jewellery courses too but they tend to run all day and I don't know whether I would cope with those either. Or possibly a half day internship somewhere is the way to go? It all feels like a bit of a tricky conundrum! So lovely readers, do you have any suggestions?

Ok, tired and emotional ramble over...back to nice doodles :)

13 comments:

Lisa said...

Aww Hang in there and chin up. I know it must be tough trying to keep that fire burning and pushing yourself. But if you didn't we wouldn't have these amazing pieces of art to admire and to put a smile on our faces! You are beyond talented and everything your heart desires is within reach, I promise you. Don't give up! As the chinese love to say "ADD OIL". lol

Poppy said...

I know how you feel. My boyfriend has ME and he often feels like he ought to be doing more but just physically can't. I understand how isolating it can be too. David isn't able to work anymore but the fact that you're able to do most of your work from home is great.
I know it's getting you down lately, but you have one hell of a portfolio, that I personally would die for! You've done some amazing work, and I know sometimes your body just won't let you do the stuff you want to, but you've accomplished a lot already, so don't be too hard on yourself. =]
(And your birds are the highlight of my RSS feed, they really are!)

tracey said...

what about joining/starting a studio group? you could get together once/twice a month for a few hours at a different house each time. my husband's mother does this and it's a lot of fun. and you would either (a) be at home if you're hosting or (b) you could leave when needed if you were at another person's house?

i too love your work -- so good!

Lucy said...

You're definitely not alone, I've had m.e since I was 17 and years were spent where although you keep positive and at least mentally active, lonliness can be tough.

Sometimes it's worth just waiting it out for a bit longer untill you do feel strong enough to take on either a course or an internship.

Keep your chin up :) x

And you shall lead... A life uncommon said...

I don't know you, but your blog came up in my google alerts for chronic fatigue... I have it as well.
I don't know what kind of support you have around you, but keep in mind that it is ok to feel all stuck and crappy about not knowing how much you can push yourself, and the line(s) between challenging/taking care of/and harming yourself. I experience a LOT of people telling me to go back to school etc etc (I'm 22), and it's frustrating to feel like people don't understand that I can't all that I want.. or even all that I need to. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself.

Not a helpful answer, but do what you feel comfortable with. if necessary, leave a day (or at least a half day) open every week so you can crash if need be. Sleep-late-and-don't-work-thursdays are how I function...

iamcollectingbeautifulobjects said...

hi, i found your blog through another blog (can't for the life of me remember which one!) and have been looking at your amazing work for a while now.
i didn't know you had m.e... as with your other comments, so have i.
i have had it for around 2 1/2 years- i was diagnosed about 6 months into starting uni. i know exactly how you feel, i am in a constant battle with work and my body.
i know what it's like to have to work from home and feel isolated, but you just have to listen to your body (which sucks right?)
all i can say is, your work is really inspiring, and i would love to one day do something freelance, so don't give up! you should be proud of yourself!!

also... i don't know if this will be of any interest to you, but i am currently trying the coeliac lifestyle (gluten free diet) as apparently it can cause m.e. if you have an allergy!

hope you feel better soon xx

Liz said...

Wow, your post has unearthed a fair few of us M.E. readers! (5a.m.and my muscle pain still won't let me sleep...)I had no idea you were affected too but always like dropping in to see what your beautiful birds are up to!
Here in Edinburgh, I know the council runs daytime 2-hour jewellery classes so there might be something similar in your area? Or perhaps try the 'skills swap' section in Gumtree?
Apologies if these ideas are not a possibility. I just love people bombarding me with 'helpful' suggestions!

littlemiso said...

I'm not sure I have advice to give... but I just want to say that I think your work is brilliant! It's beautiful, detailed, funny and always cheers me up.

maybe with the jewelry course you could just make your own jewelry at home, order lasercuts and things to be made on the internet. (i've just started making lasercut jewelry myself, but having no formal training in that area.) I'm sure it would sell through your etsy account too!

janice xx

London Lisbonite said...

So sorry to hear that Kate - have you looked at the Make Lounge (http://www.themakelounge.com/workshops)? My friends and I have been looking at booking a short course of some kind - they get rave reviews. Keep making the birdies - your blog always makes me smile!

natasha said...

I'm sorry. Being an artist is an isolating profession even with out adding chronic fatigue to the mix. That must be so hard.

As for suggestions, I have drawing parties every month or so and that can help with the loneliness and I've just started a weekly sketch-booking group as well...

Lucy said...

My mom has ME too.My sympathies.

BugsandFishes said...

Oh, this is so close to my own life - especially as so much of my energy is going on work work work at the moment with the Christmas "rush" kicking off.

There are loads of self-employed artists & crafters out there who need an intern to help grow their business... perhaps you could find someone local to you who needs a bit of casual help with things? Or perhaps try and find a knitting group or something similar so you've got something social & creative that you don't have to commit to?

I'm not sure what the answer is, but definitely try not to beat yourself up when you can't do things! :)

Kate said...

Thank you so so much for all of your lovely comments...it's a medicine in itself to know that people are sending good vibes & all of your suggestions are going to be taken on board and stored for a time of more energy!! Ooh I feel all warm and fuzzy now :)

 

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